Wednesday, June 16, 2010

E3, Microsoft and YOU

On Monday morning, the level of stupidity on the internet rose to epic proportions as scores of mindless fanboys rose up in anger with pitchforks and torches and demanded the death of the heads and developers of Microsoft.
Turning on their once beloved console, these fanboys forgot about the years of entertainment that the Xbox 360 had given them.
Alas, they wanted more. Rather than letting Microsoft broaden the scope of the Xbox 360, these fanboys insisted that they receive more mindless destruction video games, scantily-clad women, short storylines and bad voice acting.

What they seem to forget is that Kinect is aimed towards the casual audience.
How DARE Microsoft attempt to turn a video game console into a casual machine! They shouldn't make money from it that way! They should keep charging $60 for a game that players will forget in less than a month!

Kinectimals featured a little girl playing with a tiger, and the fanboys demanded blood. What they forgot at that precise moment was that Kinectimals was made for little kids.
They saw Kinect Adventures and proceeded to tear out their own eyes. They also forgot that this game, no matter how unimportant it seemed, was meant for the casual gamers as well. If someone invites their friends over for a movie and says "Let's play some games first," they can all JUMP IN (Xbox 360's motto) and play together.
They saw Kinect Joyride and demanded a human sacrifice. Nevermind the fact that it's a kart racer and that it was already announced to be supported by the Kinect.
The fanboys saw the fitness program and it made them sweat. I guarantee that half of them are actually obese gamers and hate the thought of exercising.

I am one, I know I need to exercise. That's why I'll be buying the Kinect. At least it will separate me from you mindless baboons that demand to see explosions and hear 12-year-olds, frat boys and potheads curse you out for fragging them.
Want to know why gamers get such a bad rep? It's all of you that get in an uproar when you see something you don't like.
"Hardcore" gamers are some of the whiniest child-like people I have ever come across. If something isn't up to their standards, which are very low in this case, they voice their opinions thinking it will change the minds of the developers.

They simply REFUSE to step back and take a look at the potential that the Kinect offers. Most of them have been stuck inside their rooms for so many years that the main social interaction they've received is through a headset and party chat.
What if they could ACTUALLY see what their friends look like for a change? What if gaming could be something more social than a headset?
You fanboys are stuck in a rut and you don't want to come out of it.

Because Bulletstorm, Gears of War 3, Halo Reach, Metal Gear Rising, Assassins Creed: Brotherhood, Call of Duty: Black Ops, Ghost Recon: Future Soldier, Medal of Honor, Fable 3, Rock Band 3, Dead Rising 2, Red Faction: Armageddon, Portal 2, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock, Crysis 2, a new Duke Nukem, Fallout: Vegas, Brink, Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit, Rage, and all these other games aren't enough for you....

You want more and you don't want to give the casual audience any leeway. You don't want Microsoft to try out new technology.

You all make me want to quit gaming.

My Own E3 Impressions

Its been a year since the last E3, and after my debacle of not posting anything but Microsoft, I've gone a little further this year and typed up something that I've posted around on other sites. Unfortunately not any of it is any good. It's quick, short, and opinionated; something you wouldn't expect from me. That's because I'm not going to write up on each game and how the presentation of each went. I don't have that much time and if I did it would take me over a month to do. So remember that what I have written is opinionated, not fleshed out, and if you want to see things for yourself, go to, scroll down a little, and take a look at the videos, the links are on the right. I encourage you to form your own opinions on each press conference and, if you want to tell me a thing or two, go ahead and leave a comment.

Microsoft: "Hardcore" fanboys are some of whiniest child-like people I know. Microsoft shows off the Kinect and they go crazy, saying they've forgotten the "hardcore" audience.
Here's a question: Why can't someone be "casual hardcore?" As in, they only play casual games because they're not impressed with the 4-hour long shooters with storyline depth as deep as a kiddie pool.
Microsoft has catered to you long enough. It's time they use the Xbox 360 as something more than a platform for angry, foul-mouthed 12 year olds, potheads and frat boys who want to spend 8 hours yelling at someone who fragged them online.

Nintendo: ANOTHER DS...
Zelda, who didn't see that one coming?
Metroid Other M, yeah...
Wii Party replaces Mario Party....
No Vitality Sensor, thank you, Nintendo...
Just Dance 2 *sigh*.....

Sony: REALLY riding the balls of the 3D thing, aren't you? Give me a GAME, not an EXPERIENCE.
But who cares? They've announced a new Twisted Metal and this will be the game that will make me buy a PS3.
(I've only seen the videos for Twisted Metal. The GameTrailers videos go for 20 seconds and then stop, forcing me to reload the page each time. Once Gamespot has the full press conference video I'll give my reactions. Not like you guys care anyway.)

EA: Congratulations on getting your act together and making a REAL Need For Speed game that doesn't involve Tuners and NOS.
I'm also looking forward to Medal of Honor, although I know that people are already calling it a CoD ripoff. *middle finger to them*

Ubisoft: A Michael Jackson game? Really?
Rayman Origins, never played the first.
Assassins Creed with Ezio. Again.

I generally don't like E3 because it brings out the a-holes, by that I mean "Opinions are like a-holes: everyone has one." So many people's opinions on what's good or what's bad means it taints your knowledge of what's being presented unless you've seen the press conference videos for yourself and formed your own opinions. I'm about to leave one game community because the founder of it trashed Microsoft without even presenting the facts, he just blurted out his own opinion and that makes me think less of him. If he had given just the facts rather than outright saying "It's lame!" I would have more respect for him. He's supposed to be reporting what's going on, not giving his own opinion.

AHA! I can tell what some of you are thinking already: "But you just gave your own opinions, you're stoopit!!!11!!111!!eleven"
I'm not reporting on the things, am I?
Keep Playing.